Learn How To Trust In Yourself With Healthy Boundaries
Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries is a huge part of learning how to trust in yourself. Because when you don’t have them, you can end up in compromising situations that do not serve your best interests.
Healthy boundaries give you the space to take care of your needs and the opportunity to do the things that resonate with your values. Learning how to trust in yourself by setting healthy boundaries doesn’t just benefit you though. It also makes your family members, co-workers, and friends respect and appreciate you more as well.
Not having healthy boundaries can have negative consequences such as stress and anxiety, overwhelm, financial hardship, and relationship difficulties, among other things. Generally speaking, unhealthy boundaries make life suck.
Take a look at this past article on my blog, Actionable Tips on How to Find Your Values if you would like to gain some insight into the aspects of your life that are most worthy of setting boundaries around.
Why Is It So Challenging to Set and Maintain Healthy Boundaries?
The short answer to the question of why healthy boundaries are challenging to maintain is that the world we live in is a little bat-shit crazy. And there is a whole slew of reasons why, from childhood trauma experiences (which most of us have had) to keeping up with the Kardashians.
We live in a society that encourages us to overwork ourselves and to keep our social calendars jammed full. And there’s, unfortunately, a shit ton of people who care more about how they look on social media than how they really are.
Don’t buy into that load of crap by comparing your real life to somebody else’s full-of-shit Instagram channel. Believe me, if they look perfect on social media, chances are their REAL LIFE is a disaster!
You don’t have to get in line with all the other sheeple. You can be a shining example of how to avoid a breakdown from stress and anxiety, and how to treat yourself (and others) with respect and consideration when you keep healthy personal boundaries. We need as many examples as we can get in this world of AUTHENTIC humans who take care of their needs, even if it means telling social media to fuck off.
When to Say No
A key consideration when keeping healthy boundaries is knowing when to say NO. It’s also why setting and maintaining healthy boundaries can help you learn how to trust in yourself. Think about it. If you’re constantly consenting to things for ridiculous reasons that have nothing to do with your values, your wellbeing, or your life satisfaction, can you trust yourself? Would you want anyone else to treat you that way?
If you’re not used to valuing your time and needs by setting healthy boundaries, saying no is probably outside of your comfort zone. You might feel like you don’t deserve to say no or ask for what you need. That’s just a bullshit lie you’ve been telling yourself based on someone else’s fucked up idea of how you’re supposed to operate.
Self-care is SO important for your quality of life. Check out my article, Why Self Care Is Important If You Want To Manifest Money, if you need a little more convincing. Don’t think you have to neglect and abuse yourself or have unhealthy boundaries to make money. That’s another untruth that’s prevalent in our crazy society!
It’s time to get comfortable with that tiny two-letter word if you want to start taking care of yourself the way you know you should.
And just in case you need a little help determining when it might be time to think about setting some personal boundaries, here are a few examples:
- You feel dread or anxiety when you think about adding another thing to your calendar.
- You feel like you can’t stop the spinning in your head.
- You are taking out your frustrations on your family members, pets, and maybe some other unfortunate bystanders.
- You want to punch somebody in the face.
- You have ANY reservations whatsoever about saying yes.
Reasons for setting a boundary and saying no to something can include many types of self-care. Maybe you need some time to recover from an illness, or some time to catch up on work or sleep, or quality time with your family. You might need to make more time to eat healthy meals or exercise. Maybe you just need a movie night, or a quiet evening at home with no distractions. Whatever the case, it is not up to anyone but you to decide where and when your boundary needs to be.
Practice saying no, even though it feels uncomfortable. Here are a few ways to say no:
- I’m not sure I’ll be able to do that. Let me check my calendar and get back to you.
- I’m so sorry, I won’t be available that evening.
- I’m afraid I’m going to have to decline this time.
- I’m sorry, I’ll be busy watching porn and eating ice cream on the couch that day.
- No, I can’t.
- Hell no.
- Piss off!
Always remember: You don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you are saying no. I just gave you those examples to make it a little less stressful for those of you who aren’t used to having healthy boundaries. No, plain and simple, is good enough.
As you practice the art of setting healthy boundaries for yourself, it will get easier. You won’t always get it perfect, and there will still be times when you say yes to things you would rather say no to. But, simply by becoming aware of the times when you need to set boundaries, and taking steps to communicate those needs to the people in your life, you will start to become a happier, more balanced human being. You will start to enjoy life more. You will appreciate yourself and others more. And you will learn how to trust in yourself.
All those factors combined will make you a more pleasant person to be around for yourself and for others. Your family, your business associates, and your friends will enjoy your company more too. And they will learn to respect the boundaries you communicate to them. If they don’t, maybe it’s time to exercise a less politically correct way of saying no. People who don’t respect your boundaries, especially if you explain to them that they are for your own health and wellbeing, are people who don’t respect YOU.
If you would like to go deeper into the nuances of different types of boundaries and how to create healthy ones for yourself, Therapist Aid has created a great reference document that you can download here.
Having healthy boundaries and trusting yourself go hand-in-hand. Not to mention people who have healthy boundaries are happier and more pleasant to be around for themselves and for others. It can be challenging in a world that seems to encourage self-neglect and self-abuse for the purpose of “looking good.”
Saying no (and knowing when to do that) is an essential skill for people who are committed to maintaining healthy personal boundaries. It’s in everyone’s best interest to set and maintain healthy personal boundaries, and the more of us who do it, the more sane our society will become.
How can you start to take better care of yourself by setting healthy boundaries and exercising the art of saying no?
Do you believe that setting and maintaining healthy boundaries can help you learn how to trust in yourself more?
Can you see how having healthy personal boundaries is a benefit not only for yourself, but for other people you interact with?
You’ll find more musings like this, and on different topics in my book, click here to get yourself a copy (or grab a copy for a friend)!