How To Gain Self Empowerment When You Feel Like a Born Loser

by | Nov 19, 2021

How To Gain Self Empowerment When You Feel Like a Born Loser

A Shitstorm Shaman’s Guide to the Good Life

It’s a fact that there have been times in my life when I’ve felt like a loser, and most likely some of the people I was around during those times would agree. However, I’m here to tell you… No matter how badly you’ve fucked up, and no matter how many times you’ve had to pick yourself up off the ground in shitstorm alley, you can still discover how to make your dreams come true. You can regain your confidence and find new hope. I know because I’ve done it…. more than once! 

There is a major benefit to feeling the pain of failure instead of ignoring it and pretending it doesn’t exist.

Through all the failures and embarrassments of my life, I have come to understand that failure is not something to be ashamed of. In fact, I’ve come to feel damn proud of my failures AND the pain they brought with them. Because, through that pain, I have learned my most valuable life lessons.

My mother was one of my earliest examples of why it is important to feel the pain of failure. She faced the pain of a failed marriage, and all the negative judgments, financial difficulties, and other challenges that went along with it. She showed me that facing the pain of failure is much more empowering than fearing it and remaining in a situation that is unhealthy. By leaving an abusive, drug addicted husband (and father) when I was young, she was able to build a better life with a step-father who ended up being one of my greatest teachers in life.

Is there anything in your life that is holding you back because you don’t want to fail? If so, I encourage you to take a deep breath and move through the fear. Holding on to that shit, or being afraid to feel the pain will constipate you… not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually too. You have to get rid of it before you can move forward. And you have to feel it before you can get rid of it.

There is no way of knowing how much future damage my mom saved us both by kicking failure in the nuts and moving forward. We both became stronger and more fulfilled because of her decision. And that set the stage for my willingness to face the fear of failure when it reared its ugly head in my future.

One of the most poignant opportunities, when I got to practice the art for myself, came when I was falsely accused of a crime as a young kid. That accusation created a shitstorm that labeled me as a failure by everyone around me, and eventually by myself. It was a horrible time for me. But, I’m glad it happened. Among other things, it allowed me to discover the value of friends who don’t disperse in all directions when the shit hits the fan. 

My friend Mark stuck by me during that awful time when no one else did. I was DEFINITELY feeling some pain, going from sad to depressed to hopeless, and finally to pissed off. And he never changed who he was or how he treated me. Learning to value real friendship and the ability to recognize true friends became indispensable skills that have served me well and brought me many future successes.

Eventually, the pain of that failure led me to find a new tribe and discover a new creative outlet… music. It also provided great fuel for some of my lyrics.

Have you had a failure that has left you feeling lost and alone? If so, it could be the perfect time to seek out a new hobby or creative endeavor. It will give you something constructive to do with the bitter aftertaste of failure. It’s also a great way to meet people who share your interests.

Just to give you some ideas, you could…

  • Learn a new style of dance

  • Start journaling

  • Learn to play an instrument

  • Join a prayer/meditation group

  • Buy a box of crayons and a coloring book

  • Fake your own death

  • Build a time machine

…or anything else that gets your creative juices flowing. 

I certainly have failure to thank for most of my creative endeavors. And to boot, some of those endeavors led to my greatest successes! The good shit is just on the other side of the walls of your comfort zone. So buck up, stand up to the pain of failure, see the gifts within it, and get over to the other side of that shit!


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